


Secret Heart

by orphan_account



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon - Anime, M/M, graduated exorcist Suguro, gratuitous amounts of staring at each other, i don't know what happened, incredible volume of blush and fluster, no really, non-exorcist Rin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-25 10:42:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1645769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Canon Divergence- discovering his powers and heritage early led to desperate measures to keep Rin alive, and he ends up following in his mother's footsteps, trying to find in the isolation of the wilderness what his place in the world might actually be. Keeping the rumors under control, with Father Fujimoto keeping tabs on the 'demon beast' of the forest, everything goes smoothly- until Shirou breaks a leg and they send out a new, younger exorcist to check on the situation.</p><p>Ryuuji's not sure what to make of the awkward recluse, and Rin's never had a conversation last longer than five minutes with anyone but his adoptive father since moving out here, but either way, even knowing he can't trust his secret to an outsider, something makes him wish he could. But nothing comes easily to a son of Satan, not even love- and who would really love him once they knew what he was?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Recluse

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea that I couldn't get out of my head for the life of me after re-watching Blue Exorcist a while back. I know that the anime ending was a pile of filler crap and when school settles down I plan on reading the manga, but for now have this pile of nonsense that my brain came up with. First fic for the fandom, sorry if it's a little off.
> 
> Title inspired by [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk37-LpmbII), and I'm not sorry.

The orders to investigate had made it sound like the forest was haunted, and the expectations he built of the place in his mind were made accordingly sinister. Looking at the dense, green foliage on either side of the path, listening to overlapping birdsongs and the skittering sounds of wildlife, Suguro Ryuuji had to wonder if the Vatican had sent him to the wrong place. The low-level buzz at the back of his neck and along his upper arms was a confirmation that, yes, demons lived here, but mostly small and harmless kinds that were only a threat if you were really, really stupid. The sense of malice he’d learned to recognize was far from present. It felt like a nice, peaceful out-of-the-way corner of the world, overflowing with life and animals; not unlike the woods near his family’s shrine, only deeper and older.

Sunlight came in at an afternoon slant, lighting up greens and browns wherever he looked. Warmth soaked through the heavy overcoat he’d donned upon graduation, chasing away the late fall chill. A soft breeze set the leaves rustling high overhead, a thousand small chirps and warbles weaving together as birds flit between branches. Continuing to follow the well-worn footpath as it wound up a hill and under towering oak trees, Ryuuji had to force himself to keep his guard up against the relaxing atmosphere. This wasn’t his first solo case since receiving the rank of Intermediate First Class, but he hadn’t been sent so far afield alone before, and there was no nearby back-up to count on if it went horribly wrong.

This case was weird from the start, though, he had to admit. There were rumors of some kind of eerie demonic beast haunting these mountains, and Mephisto had personally called Suguro into his office to hand him the case file. Apparently it had been around for a long-ass time, and made appearances now and again but never seemed to bother anyone. Typically their Paladin, Fujimoto, went out to check on it when it became active, but thanks to a recent injury he was laid up with a broken leg and couldn’t make the hike.

_“This shouldn’t be a hard case, Suguro-kun, but bear in mind that it takes a little diplomacy,” Mephisto had purred from behind his teacup, slanted acid-green eyes pinned on the uncomfortable young exorcist._

_He wasn’t the type to have difficulty dealing with locals, so the warning made Suguro cock up one eyebrow, trying to read what wasn’t being said. “More so than usual, I take it.”_

_“Substantially, yes. You see, whatever is there doesn’t come out for strangers, and there’s only one person living anywhere close to the target area. He’s reclusive and tends to get into fights with most exorcists sent out his way, but his aid is vital in keeping an eye on the beast; only Fujimoto-san has any luck with him.” Mephisto replaced his cup delicately, amusement never far from his expression no matter the topic of discussion._

_Suguro had internally sighed at the thought of a difficult local making his job harder, but only asked, “Why does he fight with exorcists?”_

_“Because he’s a part-blood himself, of course,” was the Headmaster’s candid reply, as if it were completely normal. Well, it wasn’t exactly abnormal, Suguro supposed. “He doesn’t blend well, and while he did receive some training, he chose isolation over trying to fight his way into the ranks.”_

_“Is he hostile?” Part-blood demons were unpredictable and, in Ryuuji’s opinion, more dangerous than full demons half the time. There was too much a mix of conflicting desires, too tangled a psyche to understand; as the being in front of him clearly proved._

_“Not hostile, no,” Mephisto Pheles chuckled, eyes eerily knowing, as if they could pluck the thoughts from the young exorcist’s head. “Just stubborn and pig-headed, easy to piss off.”_

_“Mm.” Sounded like a bitter, volatile sort of person, the kind that could be an enemy as easily as an ally. He didn’t care for people like that, but as long as he could do his job, it didn’t particularly matter. “Alright, I’ll head out in the morning.”_

_“So good to know the matter is in good hands,” had been the smug parting shot before he was let out of Mephisto’s office and headed to his quarters to pack._

And here he was, some 8 hours of travel later, finally approaching his destination. There was supposed to be a cabin up here somewhere, near to the region where the blue demon beast was said to emerge. Calves and feet sore from the long hike, Suguro let himself briefly entertain the idea that there’d be a place to sit for a while before dealing with his business, but dismissed it. If the guy he was coming out to meet was as hard to handle as the Headmaster had implied, then he might have to count himself lucky to even get basic directions up the mountain and a boot in the ass. Grimacing, he let himself scrub a hand through his hair in frustration, the strands longer than he usually liked and messy from the wind blowing. There wasn’t a hair pin in his pocket like usual, and the broad blonde streak flopped over his forehead in ridiculous bangs. He’d meant to get it cut, had just touched up his roots, but then this case came up and the job was always more important...

Despite his determination not to drop his guard, he’d just done that, and didn’t even realize it until the incline he was walking up leveled out and left him on the edge of a clearing, the far half of which was a neatly raked yard in front of a solid, well-built log cabin with a deck and chimney. Blinking, he glanced over the dirt and sparse grass, the solid timbers of the structure, wondering how far into his own thoughts he’d been. Guess this was the place, but where was the grumpy old recluse who lived out here, then? Rubbing the back of his neck, Ryuuji turned slowly in a circle and sighed.

Now what? There wasn’t going to be much point walking off into miles of uncharted, untamed forest without a guide, so until he found this hermit this mission was pretty much fucked. Long legs took him on steady strides toward the cabin, intent on knocking, eyes still glancing warily side to side. Mephisto hadn’t been forthcoming on exactly how big a part of this guy was demon-blooded, but if it was enough to drive him into the forest for years, it was enough to make him dangerous, no matter what the Headmaster said. The yard might be trapped, the porch steps rigged with a tripwire, the mat outside the door hiding a pressure plate; he checked, and they weren’t, but it was worth making sure.

Satisfied with the lack of booby-traps, he rapped his knuckles on the front door, shifting into a professional stance as he waited. Silence, no sound of stirring inside, and he waited a few moments before huffing and lifting his hand to knock again. Before he could touch the heavy wood panels, a low thocking noise caught his attention as it echoed through the air. Curious, Ryuuji walked to the side of the porch, past a darkened window, to peer around the side. Down the side, the porch continued to wrap around the house before meeting a high fence that contained a back yard. Small charm bags were tied to each fence post- even from here he could read that they were warding charms- and the protective seal seemed to be grounded on the foundation stones of the house. Huh… not the kind of protective circles he was used to seeing, but it wasn’t unlike some of Moriyama’s garden talismans, he thought. In the distance there was some sort of figure moving around and Ryuuji walked forward, hands in his pockets, muttering a low, “Pardon the intrusion,” as he headed for the back porch. Wide stairs led down into the back yard, opening onto a stone path that outlined the edges between vegetable garden plots. Beyond that a slender figure was setting thick wooden slabs onto a flat hard surface, a long-handled axe propped on one shoulder.

 _Ah, chopping wood, that was the noise… but wait a goddamned minute-!_ Each chunk was nothing more than a slice out of a thick tree trunk, round and still surrounded with bark, thicker across than the waist of the figure about to swing. Ryuuji curled his lip in disbelief at the slim figure and the massive wood rounds; there was no way he could split those with anything less than a chainsaw! And then the man moved, axe flying forward with a piercing whistle of displaced air, and the blade slammed down into the wood, far enough to completely disappear. A cock of one skinny wrist to twist the axe, and with a resound crack, the wood round split into two near-perfect halves.

Mouth agape, brown eyes disbelieving, Ryuuji forgot the need for tact and blurted, “What the hell?!”

Wiping sweat off his face, the figure straightened and turned to look at him, a frown narrowing the bluest (and most petulant) eyes the exorcist could recall seeing in his life. Wariness crossed the surprisingly young face- he couldn’t be older than Ryuuji himself- and the slender figure turned around completely, crossing his arms. “What, _what the hell?_ I should ask you that, what’re you doing here?” The tone was sulky, with a trace of worry under it, and Ryuuji sighed; he was off to a _great_ start so far.

Biting the bullet, he stepped down slightly into the yard, one hand extended politely despite the distance across the yard. “Right- I’m Suguro Ryuuji, an exorcist from the Japan branch. I was sent out to check on your mountain beast situation. Sorry for barging in; I knocked but no one answered, so I followed the noise back here.”

The uncertainty faded to more petulance, but the young man unfolded enough to walk over, eying Ryuuji uncertainly. Up close he was … _pretty_ , with masculine but fine-boned features and an interesting slant to the corners of bright, long-lashed eyes. Blue-black hair was a tumble of messy bangs around his face and tied in back of him in a messy ponytail. If it wasn’t for the pointed ears and the sharp fangs that flashed when he spoke, he’d be an attractive example of the human race. “Exorcist? Why isn’t old man Fujimoto here, then?” A sulky, attractive brat, with that pout.

Jaw already tightening at the annoying pout the kid was pulling, Ryuuji pulled his hand back when it wasn’t taken and huffed. “He broke his leg, there’s no way he could make the hike out here. I just need to check up on the demon and I’ll be out of your hair; if it’s as nonthreatening as I was told, that shouldn’t be a problem.”

A belligerent slant was already creasing the kid’s eyebrows and he sulked, rocking back and forth on his feet; a long, black whip of a tail lashed back and forth, startling Ryuuji into staring at the back and forth motion of the fluffy tip. Wow, yeah, part-blood wasn’t even beginning to cover it…

“It hasn’t shown up for a couple days,” the boy said finally, shifting to a braced stance with hands on his hips. “It shows up on the full moon sometimes, but that’s not for a few days.”

Ah, great. Expecting to be told to push off until then, Ryuuji sighed at the thought of the long walk back to the nearest town and what the hotel fare would be. “I see. Then I-“

“You’ll have to stay, of course. Help me carry in the firewood, dinner is soon.” Nose in the air, tail still swishing back and forth, the other turned around and began walking towards the woodpile again.

“Wait- what?” The kid famous for picking fights and throwing exorcists out on their asses was extending hospitality? Blinking at his good luck and not much inclined to question it, he walked down into the yard, avoiding the vegetable patches to approach the pile of chopped wood. “Ah-hey, you never told me your name. If I’m staying with you…”

Blinking at him, the boy paused in picking up logs to grin, widely and surprisingly open of an expression. “Oh! Sorry, haha… I’m Rin. Nice to meet you.” The little fucker was blushing, of all things, one hand behind his neck and the other held out in awkward mimicry of Ryuuji’s earlier offer. The idea of refusing the handshake in turn passed through his mind, but with a sigh he decided to be the bigger man and gripped the other man’s hand; smaller than his, he noted, but firm and surprisingly warm to the touch. “Pleased to meet you,” he said formally, completing the introduction, only to stare as Rin blushed stupidly red and stared at him. Flustered, he curled his lip and grumbled, “W-what? What are you so surprised for?!”

“O-oh! Nothing!” Jerking his hand back, Rin rubbed it awkwardly on his chest, as if wiping away the touch. Paradoxically, he mumbled a moment later, “No one’s really ever been happy to meet me before so it was a surprise, heh…”

Cute. It was stupid, and awkward, and so fucking cute Ryuuji felt briefly queasy. What the hell, this is the terror of the mountains that drove everyone out??? Clearing his throat, he tugged at his jacket collar before nodding. “Whatever… you wanted help with the logs, didn’t you?”

He regretted asking a moment later when, with a wide sharp-toothed grin, Rin loaded his arms with logs until he could hardly see past them and then bounded off to the house with his own armful, entirely too excited about the situation. Watching him go, Ryuuji had to sigh, muttering to himself, “What have I gotten into now?” 


	2. Fluster

Excitement bubbled up through him, fluid and bright until it threatened to burst up his throat. Rin wanted to laugh, to giggle, but held back the impulse as much as possible. He had to look serious, not like a bratty kid; well, as much as he could avoid, at least. He didn’t want to look stupid in front of his guest. Rin usually wasn’t a fan of the Knights of the True Cross, in truth, but this one was different. Usually the exorcists that came out to see him were snobby, judging, pontificating dickheads ( _pontificating_ was a good word, he’d learned that from one of the books Shiro brought him on his visits, and it was always worth using to see the look on the old man’s face). They were usually old and crusty, or acted like they were even if they weren’t, like Yukio (but then his brother didn’t visit him anymore and there was a reason Rin didn’t even give the name Okumura when introducing himself these days). But this guy- this guy was _cool_. Young, maybe a bit older than Rin, with seriously awesome piercings and that _hair_ and a neatly trimmed goatee, and he wore the coat like he was made for it, and… yeah okay, Rin was slightly infatuated, but that was perfectly normal, right? Guys always did that when they saw other, cooler guys walking around.

Blowing out a breath, Rin dumped the armful of wood into the box near the fireplace, tail lashing the air restlessly as he stared around his living room. It wasn’t a mess, per se, but he hadn’t done more than basic cleaning in a while and there was dust on some of the shelves- hearing the clomp of boots on his porch, heading towards the door, he swore, shoving the pile of blankets on the sofa into a slightly neater pile, tail fluff dusting rapidly over the table and its many piles of books. He straightened abruptly, guilty as the exorcist walked in, unsteady under the armful of firewood. Oh… Rin had ended up giving him a pile almost as big as the ones he usually carried. Which was bad, since he was a human; crap. Like he needed more reminders of why he was bad with people...

“Uh, here, just dump it there, in the box,” Rin muttered, face hot and tail wrapping sulkily around one of his legs as he gestured towards the fireplace. Damn it, he wanted to make a good impression, but as always it seemed like the more he tried the less it worked. No, no thinking like that, he scolded himself. The reason he was out here was because he’d made the decision to stop destroying himself to please other people, and to avoid hurting them. Even if he wasn’t any good in the human world, surely he was better out here, where it was his world, wasn’t he? Breathing out slowly, Rin forced his tail to hang quietly, loosened his shoulders, before nodding at the other man. “Ryuuji, right? You can have the bedroom, I never use it anyways, and I’ll show you where to put your things.” Not that there was likely to be a lot of stuff in the small bag slung over Ryuuji’s shoulder, but Rin was trying to play a good host, and so he ignored that little detail.

Sputtering, the other man growled, “What the hell! Calling me by my first name…”

Blinking, Rin shrugged. “You can call me by mine, so it’s fine.”

“You didn’t give me any other name to call you! Call me Suguro!”

“Nah.” Suguro was a decent name, but it wasn’t nearly cool enough for this guy. Now, Ryuuji, that was an awesome name. It even had ‘dragon’ in it. Why wouldn’t he use that?

Walking out of the living room, Rin opened the door to his small, mostly unused bedroom, coughing at the dusty smell. The small bed in the corner had clean sheets and blankets on it, at least, though they could probably use airing out; the whole room could, really. Huffing, Rin stalked over to the windows, shoving the glass pane up and flinging open the shutters outside. He didn’t look over his shoulder, just swept idly at the dust with his tail while scooping the bedding into his arms. The heat riding his cheekbones made him duck, not meeting the frank brown eyes above him. “I’ll freshen up in here, just give me a few minutes. Go, uh, sit or something.” Pushing past and near running out the door, Rin groaned once he got outside, thunking his head against the outside of his cabin. The guy probably thought he was an idiot, and it wasn’t like he was wrong but Rin still would’ve liked to make a better impression.

Well, whatever. This was his home, in what he more or less thought of as his forest. If the guy didn’t like it, he could go sleep under a pine tree or something. Still, as Rin tossed the sheets and blankets over his clothesline and thwapped them lightly to free the dust, he had to admit he was hoping Ryuuji would stay, at least for a little while. Only getting one visit a year was pretty lonely.

~*~*~

Rin was without a doubt the most awkward fucking existence he’d ever come across. He wasn’t sure whether it was annoying or adorable- possibly both-, but either way Ryuuji was somewhat speechless. Standing and blinking in the doorway of the room he’d just been abandoned in, the exorcist sighed before dropping his bag onto the bare mattress and pulling out the few items he needed to unpack. Changes of clothes in a small, neat stack, a few toiletries in their smaller bag, and a handful of exorcism herbs and supplies, just in case; charms, sigils, bare slips of paper, brushes and ink for the making of talismans. He wasn’t the type to go unprepared.

The room had no real lived-in quality, the dresser bare and the walls undecorated. The amount of dust wasn’t astronomical but he still felt his mouth twist in a grimace. He scooped up a hankerchief out of his clothes and wiped down the top of the dresser, the headboard and the windowsill almost compulsively, before relenting to stack his belongings on top of the bureau. There was no point trying to unpack without the brat showing him where everything was, though he was assuming in a place this small it wouldn’t be hard to find; regardless, he slipped back out of the room to wait.

The rest of the cabin was lived-in, disorderly in a comfortable sort of way (even if the sloppy toss of fabric and belongings irritated the neat freak in him). Blankets were piled in a nest on the large, plush couch, the fabric pattern faded. Dozens of books were stacked around the coffee table and near one end of the couch, and Ryuuji guessed from the dusty state of the bedroom that the boy just curled up out here and read until he fell asleep. Glancing at the shelves found dozens of odd knickknacks, random smooth or jagged stones, interestingly twisted branches, more books, small carved statues of animals or people. Esoteric items like ward charms and protective amulets were scattered amongst them, some looking like they’d been tossed randomly to land wherever they pleased. How did this kid find _anything?_ Over the mantle, a few framed photos: two small boys in elementary school uniforms, a younger Father Fujimoto behind them; the same boys, older, one with Rin’s distinctive wide grin and the other looking weirdly familiar, glasses covering eyes a shade greener than what Ryuuji assumed to be his brother’s.

Despite the saying about how many words a picture was worth, he had a feeling these photos were only giving him a slight glimpse of whatever history led to Rin being out here on his own at such a young age. Mephisto had mentioned he’d taken some training and then chosen not to become an exorcist, but why? Partbloods weren’t forbidden in the order, were occasionally even welcomed as long as they were well-behaved and discreet. Was it the temper that had been mentioned, or was there something else going on? The wall to the right of the fireplace had a large window in addition to the back door, and Ryuuji found himself watching the motions of the boy outside as he fussed with the sheets and blankets. Slim and young, cheery and bizarrely innocent in the way he spoke and moved… what was he doing out here with no one to look after him, when he’d apparently at one point had a family. There was something odd about this entire thing, tugging at Ryuuji’s instincts, and it frustrated him. Even still, he reminded himself, there was nothing to be done about it yet. He’d been here all of ten minutes, maybe, and had only two old photos and an awkward conversation to draw conclusions from. The best thing he could do was wait and learn more about the situation before trying to solve it.

The door abruptly flew open, startling him into a short yell; Rin barely a shadow as he darted through the room to the front part of the cabin, a distressed yowl of “ _Oh craaaap_!” left in his trail. Ryuuji blinked, heart still hammering under his sternum, arms half-raised in a defensive stance. What in the hell? And _why did he keep dropping his guard out here?!_ Following the brat around the corner, he found a surprisingly well-furnished kitchen, one that was used enthusiastically if the rows of various pans and utensils hanging on the walls were any indication. Rin was bent over at the oven, easing some kind of glass dish into his mitt-covered hands and kicking the door closed after.

“I almost forgot this,” he breathed in some kind of relief, grin wide and ridiculous on his face. “That would have sucked, I used the last of the rabbit meat for it.”

A chill crawled down his spine. “Rabbit meat,” Ryuuji repeated flatly. He couldn’t recall any Japanese dish that required baking a rabbit- had anyone even eaten rabbits in the last hundred years? God, what if this was something the brat had found dead somewhere? Part-blood demons might be a hell of a lot less picky than a normal human being. Ryuuji was painfully aware of his limited options (this or hike down the mountain to an inn) but the idea of eating road kill was alarming enough to make him crave the walk.

Oblivious to his silent panic, Rin was setting the rectangular dish onto a cooling rack. “Yeah, I have some snares set up around the mountain for meat. I don’t need a lot of it, but protein balances the diet.” There was something proud about the way he recited that, as if learning it was a greater than normal accomplishment. Now that it had been set down, the dish looked fairly normal, some kind of baked pie crust crisscrossed over ambiguously multicolored contents that couldn’t be discerned through the dish. Able hands were pulling plates and silverware from cupboards and drawers, fetching a knife to cut into the odd dish, and Ryuuji found himself watching, hip leaning against the counter. It was oddly soothing, the professional way Rin was setting everything up, the clean and neat way each drawer was laid out as it was opened. The food itself was still a mystery, though, and the ingrained politeness to a host had never been more difficult to maintain. “Uh, what did you make?” He finally brought himself to ask, brows drawn together in confusion and voice painfully neutral.

Blue eyes shot up, almost startled at the question (- _there he goes, being weird and shy again-_ ), before a shy smile bared those sharp teeth again. “It’s a Western dish I modified from the recipe. It’s supposed to be in a pie dish but I like it better as a casserole, there’s more leftovers and that’s great for when I’m too tired to cook. It’s like a hot pot stew, but baked into a casserole with gravy and vegetables.” A moment later he blanched, hands coming up in alarm. “Oh, b-but if you don’t eat meat, I’ve got, uh, other food… I think-“

“Ah, it’s fine,” Ryuuji said quickly, motioning the concern away. Almost guiltily, he mumbled, “I’m not picky and you’re the host, of course I’ll eat whatever you make.” What Rin described sounded a lot easier to stomach than a lot of the things he’d imagined, though, that was for sure.

“Oh good.” And then the kid smiled at him. No, scratch that, he beamed, eyes lit up from the inside, pointy little fangs just barely denting his lip, so happy and so fucking _obvious_ about it that Ryuuji briefly felt light-headed. How in the hell was an expression like that legal? No, it wasn’t legal at all, that was why the kid was out here, he decided. Too goddamned cute for anyone’s well-being, likely to send people walking into walls and swerving off the road from distraction. Face uncomfortably flushed, he grumbled something inarticulate and looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. “Er, do you want help setting the table? Or are we eating later?”

“We can eat now, you’ve probably been walking for a while, it’s a long ways out from the trains station,” Rin babbled excited, shifting nervously from foot to foot- which, as Ryuuji glanced down, he realized were completely bare (what in the hell, did the kid want to die of splinters?). “U-uh, if you want you can take the plates over and I’ll bring the dish, so we can just serve at the table. Um. Yeah.” Tossing a pair of hot pads on the sturdy hardwood surface at the end of the kitchen, Rin fussed, and Ryuuji barely avoiding tripping over the kid’s tail as he carried the two plates over. Had he made him that nervous with the questions? Crap. Guilt curled low in his gut and he firmly told himself to eat every bite of whatever he was served with a smile. There was no acceptable way to let down someone this ridiculously nice and hell if he was going to ask himself why.

They’d barely sat down when Rin was leaping up again, babbling about drinks, and Ryuuji headed off that breakdown with a quick request for plain water. Another minute passed and they each had a glass, and Rin finally sat forward to scoop a generous amount of whatever thing he’d made onto each plate, along with a chunk of bread he’d gotten from somewhere. The crust was golden-brown and flaky, the filling rich with cubes of meat and thick pieces of potatoes, carrots and what looked like green peas in a dark brown gravy. The smell reaching him as the plate was set down was something approaching Nirvana, and he couldn’t even feel embarrassed for the loud, enthusiastic growl his stomach chose to give at that moment. It only seemed to make Rin smile, anyways. “Itadakimasu,” they said in tandem, and then he was putting a forkful of food in his mouth and…

It took a moment to realize the soft moan had come from him. Eyes shut, disconnected from every sense except taste and smell, Ryuuji was almost positive he experienced a higher plane of being in the moments between chewing and swallowing the food.

“Is it okay?” Rin asked shyly, peeking from behind his water glass when Ryuuji opened his eyes.

“This is amazing. You’re a really good cook.” He was a battle-hardened exorcist, the brunette reminded himself. He had trained with discipline and self-control for years, had mastered zen meditation through total unity of mind and body. He would eat his food calmly and neatly, and not shove his face into the plate like a wild animal (even if it was delicious enough to be worth the indignity).

Goddamn it, the kid was glowing again, practically bouncing in his seat as he bubbled with thanks and encouragements to take second helpings. Ryuuji hadn’t even finished the first yet- though he would soon, eating as fast as he could get away with politely- but for once the idea of being polite enough to decline didn’t even cross his mind.

Alright, so he might be stuck out in the wilderness for a few days waiting for his mission objective to show up, but it could be worse. Being stuck in a cabin with this kid might not be so bad, after all.

He of course couldn’t know just how wrong he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried my hand at Rin's POV for part of this chapter, and was surprised by how fun he is to write. Both of them are, though, the cute little butts. The food Rin made is basically a large pot pie with homemade gravy and fresh ingredients, so Ryuuji's mouthgasm is not an unfair reaction. ~~Can you tell I was hungry when I wrote this~~
> 
> Thank you guys so much for the kudos and the comments, I really love seeing them. :) Also this fic will get a bit more serious and tilt toward the angst side soon, so enjoy the awkward, flustered boys while you can, mwahaha- *cough* I mean, uh... kittens? As always my work is un-beta'd, so apologies for mistakes and such.


	3. Take a breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shameless fluff and a dash of hurt/comfort here. Also trying to nudge the plot ahead a bit, so sorry if some parts feel rushed. =^w^= ; It's un-beta'd and unedited for now, I'll go back over it for errors after I get some groceries, haha.
> 
> Thank you all so, so much for the warm comments and kudos! You guys are the nicest, I swear, and it makes me so very happy to see you all enjoying my derpy little fanfiction. I know it's been a little while since the last update so here you go, a massive chapter (I almost doubled the word count of the fic, PFFT). As always, any comments or questions are welcomed, either here or at my [tumblr](khimairan.tumblr.com), and I track the tag  
> fic: secret heart if you want to get my attention that way. :) Enjoy~

Being stuck in the wilderness with this ridiculous brat was the worst thing to happen to him since getting his certification, he was sure of it. Ryuuji grumbled to himself, shifting again to try and find a comfortable position on the cold, flat mattress. That would have been easier if he’d had proper bedding, though, wouldn’t it? But no, someone had left them outside to get rained on-

He sighed. To be fair, they both had gotten pretty distracted, ignoring the slow sink of the sun and the subsequent rumble of mild thunder above. It had been raining for a good few minutes by the time the blue-eyed brat had suddenly jolted with alarm and gone sprinting for the backdoor. It was a basic mistake, albeit a dumb one, and on its own Ryuuji probably could have set it aside and forgotten it. Right now he was still too irritated by why Rin had been too distracted to go get the laundry, and that was the long and convoluted argument they’d managed to get in not ten minutes after finishing their food.

It wasn’t really clear even in his own mind what had kicked off the bickering, but he remembered that midway through packing up the leftovers and helping with the dishes, Ryuuji had tried to make polite conversation about something and Rin had given some half-assed answer blowing it off, and they’d started to snipe at each other rudely until the sudden awareness of the weather outside. He thought, perhaps, the original comment had something to do with school, but the thrum of indignation combined with utter exhaustion under his skin wasn’t letting him come up with logical answers at this point; Rin was a dumbass and that was that, the end.  Shifting onto his stomach, Ryuuji sighed, pulling the single borrowed blanket up higher around his shoulders. It had come from Rin’s nest and smelled… not dirty, no, but it smelled like another person, and that was hard to get used to. The fabric folded over his neck had a warm, spicy smell in addition to human musk, as if someone had been too close to a campfire with it but had avoided getting burned. Strange, for a sofa bed blanket. Why on earth would Rin smell like fire…?

He was dozing, drifting, almost completely asleep when the movements started under him. At first it wasn’t enough to wake him, just a little nudge at the edge of his awareness that he ignored. Then it happened again, deliberate as the mattress shifted and something small began crawling around inside of it. He was up and tumbling off the mattress before he could even think, hand reaching for the gun on the dresser when the small squeaks registered in brain. Panting, body jittering with adrenaline, Ryuuji blew a strand of hair out of his mouth and took stock of where he was; parked on his ass on cold hardwood planks of the floor, in his boxers and an undershirt, gun out and pointed the mattress in response to the threat of… of…

Mice. At least two of them, peaking tiny little faces out of a small hole in the mattress fabric near the headboard. Swearing, Ryuuji clicked the safety back on, a flush of embarrassment replacing the earlier preparation for battle. Goddamned mice in the mattress, really? Of fucking course, it’s not like he could possibly get any decent sleep, right? Except that he was tired, really deep-down exhausted, and would give almost anything to just be able to lie down and catch a few hours of rest before his well-trained internal clock woke him up at 5:30 to greet the day. Yawning into the back of his hand, he rubbed his neck, contemplated his irritation for the entire world, and finally staggered to his feet, grabbing the borrowed blanket before trudging to the door. If he couldn’t sleep, that dumbass with mice in his bed wouldn’t either.

The den wasn’t as dark as the bedroom, a faint glow still coming from died-down embers in the hearth. In the gentle red-gold light Ryuuji was able to make out the outlines of furniture, the table and armchair and the big, indulgent shape of the sofa, where a pile of blankets was moving with the breaths of the person sprawled across the cushions. Without thinking, Ryuuji wandered closer, getting a good look at the blue-eyed terror now that he was completely still. Rin slept like a kid, really, limbs flung in every direction, mouth open and drooling into the throw pillow, shirt riding up and blankets tangled until there was more of him out in the chilly air than tucked under the covers.

There wasn’t any reason for him to feel the reluctant warmth in his chest at the sight, but it was there nonetheless, and Ryuuji sighed at himself. This dumb brat… shaking his head, the exorcist reached down, tugging the blankets straight and pulling them back up to Rin’s shoulders, making sure his feet were also tucked under. He’d barely finished patting the covers smooth when the part-blood stirred, and Ryuuji froze, mind racing to find an excuse for why he was- well, why the hell _was_ he tucking the boy in, anyways? Fortunately for him and his massive lack of an explanation, Rin only moved to burrow farther under the blankets, muttering something under his breath. Relaxing minutely, Ryuuji stooped to pick up the blanket he’d dropped of his own and moved towards the armchair, resigned to a short, crappy nap before the sun rose.

It was almost inaudible, the quiet mumble behind him, but the room was quiet and he heard it all the same. Rin’s voice, still thick with sleep, mumbling longingly under his breath, “Nn… dad…”

No answer expected, it seemed, before the boy was snoring softly again, but it left Ryuuji standing uncertainly in the middle of the room, mind turning rapidly. _‘Dad.’_ The picture of him with Father Fujimoto and another boy. Their paladin always being the one to come out here. The young, childish way Rin seemed to do everything, the eagerness to please, the blatant loneliness on the young part-blood’s face. Seriously, _Dad?_ Easing into the armchair, pulling the blanket up over his chest, Ryuuji let his head flop to the side, tired eyes still cracked open to watch the sleeping form a few yards away.

_Who are you, Rin? Why are you up here by yourself?_

~*~*~

He hadn’t ever been a huge morning person, though living alone on the mountain had taught him a few times that he couldn’t nap until eight and expect to still find food in his snares. Still, as excited and anxious and guilty as he’d been last night, it’d taken a while to sleep and he’d figured he wouldn’t wake up for a while as a result. When Rin’s eyes opened, though, the slant of light tinting the sky through the window was pale and delicate, the faint blue hue of very early morning; far earlier than he usually ever woke up on his own, to be honest. Ducking under the covers, he stretched, yawning widely and trying to decide whether to get up or try and snooze for another couple of hours. He had a guest, he should get up, but…

But he’d made an idiot of himself, again, and the sick feeling of shame in his guts made the idea of hiding in his blankets a lot more appealing than getting up just yet. It had been going so well, too; Ryuuji had really loved his food, which was the best feeling in the world, and they’d been talking and everything was great, but of course Rin had to put his foot in his mouth. He wasn’t sure what had ticked Ryuuji off first, but the idle comments about the forest and asking about school had prompted Rin to probably be more of a brat than he needed to be and it wasn’t like it was a secret that he thought school was a pile of bullshit. Giddy on the success of the visit so far, he’d thrown some comment out and then everything had gone downhill- and of course, because Rin was an idiot, he’d let his temper get a hold of him again and then Ryuuji’s blankets and sheets had gotten soaked in the downpour. He knew better than anyone how quickly little spats of rain could come and go up here on the mountain, but he’d been so flustered, so focused on Ryuuji’s face- because the bastard was still really cool-looking when he was mad, the blonde part of his hair hanging down past his brows, brown eyes shrewd and knowing and just-just- _aaaugh._ Yeah. He wasn’t sleeping again anytime soon, might as well get up.

Tossing the blankets to the side, Rin shivered lightly in the colder air, swinging himself up and putting his feet on the floor. Midway through his second yawn, he glanced up and nearly fell off the sofa in surprise. Speaking of Ryuuji, the man was curled up in that butt-ugly armchair Shiro always sat in, neck tilted at a painful angle, blanket tucked under his chin. Somehow, he was sleeping, but why in the heck was he out here? Padding silently over, Rin leaned down to stare, unashamed of his nosiness. Sleeping, the man looked calmer and less stern, the muscles of his face relaxed into surprisingly handsome lines. Damn it, this guy… sighing a little, Rin tugged the blanket up higher over Ryuuji’s shoulders before straightening up. He needed to make breakfast, so he’d better set the oats to soaking and then check his snares. He could get some berries, too, for the oatmeal, since the patch behind the house was still producing fruit despite the late season.

A low groan made him freeze halfway to the kitchen, peering back over his shoulder. Ryuuji was waking up, a much grumpier expression on his face than a moment ago; without even thinking about why, Rin darted into the kitchen before he could be caught watching. It was dumb, it’s not like he could hide in here or anything, but his heart was going a mile a minute and jittery nervousness wound up through his chest. He’d already screwed up a few times, it was probably better to just stay mostly out of sight. Really, why had he even thought he could manage to befriend someone new like this? Just because he was out here didn’t mean he was any less a half-devil brat, and it didn’t erase his awful knack for screwing up the things he wanted to do for other people, so really, why was he surprised? Why did it still hurt so much? He should be used to failure by now.

Jaw set tightly, Rin forced himself into the morning chores, pushing the ugly buzzing tangle of his thoughts back and filling his focus with manual labor. The kettle filled with water from the kitchen sink and put on the back burner of the stove, after checking to make sure he’d collected enough energy from the solar panels on the roof. Oatmeal soaking to soften, not ready to cook yet, and Rin dug through the pantry to find the tub of sugar that he used sparingly. It was better with honey, but this late into fall he didn’t dare take any from the hives; the bees needed all of their stores to make it through winter.

He knew when Ryuuji walked into the kitchen, could feel him on the edge of his senses, but Rin kept his eyes and hands on his work, only the tight curl of his tail around his leg any indication of the way his stomach dropped. Just keep quiet, he thought to himself, at least you don’t annoy people much when you’re quiet…

“G’morning,” Ryuuji yawned, shoulder leaning against the wall, watching Rin putter around messing with pots and hot water. The boy’s shoulders jerked oddly at the greeting, making the brunette blink, especially when the greeting was returned in a rushed, uncertain mumble and no eye contact. What the hell…?

Despite the crick in his neck, his irritation from the night before had dimmed enough not to really matter anymore, leaving him wondering what had caused the brat’s switch in personality. Maybe the kid was still mad over the kitchen spat, or he’d slept wrong, but it didn’t seem like the sort of thing Rin would really hold on to. _Yeah right, you’ve known him for less than a full day, you totally know what he does and doesn’t hold on to_. Even still, the hunch of the narrow shoulders seemed almost… resigned, like he was waiting for a blow that would come sooner or later and couldn’t be escaped. Combined with the lonely little mumble last night, it left an unsettled ache in the pit of Ryuuji’s stomach. Kids weren’t supposed to be left on their own like this. Rin didn’t look much younger than himself, and Mephisto said he’d been out here for _years_.

Ryuuji couldn’t help feeling more and more unsettled by the situation. He couldn’t even be mad at the kid’s screw-ups anymore, because how was Rin supposed to manage being a normal host when he’d been alone in the wilderness for the last half of his teens? And then they’d gotten into that stupid fight… Blowing out a rough sigh, Ryuuji scrubbed a hand over the back of his head, determined to try and behave. “Need any help? I was gonna go for a run but I don’t know my way around, so you might as well put me to work.”

Hesitating, Rin paused, finally turning those big blue eyes up at him, and _yep, there it was_. Not an ounce of anger in that expression, just a big measure of uncertainty and hurt so sharp it made breathing difficult while meeting Rin’s eyes. Hair falling in fluffy disarray around his face, tied into a messy bun at the back of a slender, pale neck, he looked young and fragile and _God, who the hell exiled this poor kid out here by himself_? Whoever it was, Ryuuji wanted to punch them.

“U-uh, well, I’ve got everything here pretty well taken care of, but… um, if you want a bath, I’ll show you how to light the water furnace, and then I’ll get the tea ready while you wait for it to heat up…” Rin mumbled, shifting from foot to foot again; a tic Ryuuji had already picked up and filed away as insecurity.

“You’re the host, you should have the first bath.” Though removing the grit from his eyes and skin would be wonderful.

Rin flushed, shaking his head. “Ah, I still have to go out and check the snares, and then tend the garden, so I’ll take one later or I’ll just get dirty again. Please, go ahead.”

That was both gross and practical, so Ryuuji shrugged. “Alright, if you’re sure.”

“Y-yeah, it’s fine.” Eager for something to busy himself with, Rin led the way out of the kitchen, awkward sidestepping to avoid knocking into the taller man. The door to the bathroom was in the living room, and Ryuuji was familiar with the small room and its toilet and sink; he wasn’t expecting Rin to open another door he hadn’t noticed and reveal a bathing area, complete with a water-heating tank, a floor drain and a magnificently gigantic bath tub. It was a much more traditional bathroom than Ryuuji would’ve expected and in some ways that was a comfort, leaving him to chuckle quietly.

It wasn’t complicated to set up wood in the lower part of the furnace and get it burning nicely, and the tank filled quickly enough from a hand-pump connecting it to the well outside. Still, the labor was an efficient way to wear down the awkwardness between them and by the time Rin had set a few towels and soaps on the shelf, Ryuuji didn’t feel nearly as hesitant about reaching to grip his shoulder carefully.

The boy under his hand stiffened a bit, eyes widening as he stared, but Rin didn’t jerk back and Ryuuji let himself smile a little, even as an awkward flush warmed his cheekbones. “Thanks. And, uh, sorry. About yesterday. You’d think my mother raised a hooligan, arguing with people in their own homes like that.”

Gaping up at him, fangs peeking out in the most ridiculous way, Rin babbled hurriedly, “Ah, no, it’s fine, I-! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have forgotten your blankets. Um, and, er, you were on the chair, is the bed not good, or…?”

“Mice in the mattress. I couldn’t sleep with the wiggling,” Ryuuji found himself saying with a laugh, even as upset as he’d been about it the night before. He had a pretty bad temper usually, and he had no illusions about the likelihood of them bickering again, but for now the memory of Rin’s cowed posture and worried, hurt expression was enough to keep himself in check.

“Oh man, I didn’t know that… I’ll take them out later.” Flushing, Rin rubbed the back of his neck, and god, but he was fucking adorable. Something tugged under Ryuuji’s sternum, insistent and a little painful, and he wondered for a moment what on earth it was about this boy that was getting under his skin so easily.

“It’s fine,” he heard himself saying, soft and fond the way he never talks to anyone, and the ache in his chest only seemed to get stronger. His hand was still on Rin’s shoulder and there was no non-awkward way to take it back; he tries to be casual, a brief squeeze and then pulling back, like it’s normal that they both forgot he’d done it.

Well, maybe Rin didn’t forget. He gaped upwards again, face turning the oddest shade of pink, before babbling something about oats and tea and fleeing the bathroom, plumed tail high in the air behind him. For all that he knew he shouldn’t, Ryuuji just grinned, absurdly pleased with the blush he’d teased from the black-haired brat as he went to gather a clean set of clothes.

For his part, hunched once again in the kitchen, Rin couldn’t tell if his heart was beating faster now than it had been earlier, but the rapid flutter in his gut and warm face were new and alarming additions. What on earth was wrong with him…?

~*~*~

Freshly bathed, Ryuuji finished his ablutions with a session of meditation on Rin’s front porch, out of the way of the teenager running hell for leather back and forth through the house and outside. There wasn’t much sense he could make out of the frantic trips, but between one minute and the next he’d notice a pile of vegetables by the sink that hadn’t been there, or a rabbit carcass hanging from the rafters for later skinning, and if that was how Rin got his chores done, well, whatever worked.

For his part, Ryuuji enjoyed the quiet at the front of the house, the clean sweet morning air and birdsong adding to the peace sought in his mind’s internal workings. Time passed quickly in his meditations, but left him with a warm, centered feeling that eased all the anxieties and uncertainties that built up in the back of his mind. Whatever happened, he’d deal with it one step at a time and it would resolve itself, as all things inevitably did.

By the time he stepped back inside, Rin had stopped his whirlwind sprinting long enough to dish up two bowls of oat porridge, a bowl of sugar and a larger bowl of fresh berries on the table between them. No one could make oatmeal taste good, in Ryuuji’s experience, but once again Rin proved him very, very wrong and it was with a pang of disappointment that he reached the bottom of his bowl. Insisting on washing the dishes despite Rin’s protests- “It’s the least I can do, really, don’t worry about it!”- he whistled quietly to himself, listening to Rin once again begin darting in and out of the house. It was oddly domestic, reminiscent of his visits home where he’d help his mother tend to the household, and some part of Ryuuji that had been stiff and professional under the mantle of his job began to relax a little.

In the afternoon, with nothing to do besides watch Rin weeding the garden, Ryuuji finally asked about the beast of the mountain.

On  his knees in the dirt, smudged up to his elbows and even on his chin from wiping his face on his arm, Rin blinked in surprise, trying not to flinch. “Uh. What about it?” He was a shitty liar, there was no way the other man wouldn’t notice his hesitance this way; gritting his teeth, Rin returned to the weeds, pulling them out with a focus they almost didn’t deserve.

Merely raising an eyebrow at the behavior, Ryuuji shrugged, sipping the glass of water he’d brought out with him. “From what I was told, you’re the only one that knows much about it. In my briefing I was told it was harmless and didn’t appear often, but I still don’t know what it is. What class demon is it, do you know?”

Rin shrugged, tossing a clump of tangled grass  stems to the side. “I’m not a True Cross asshat, remember? I don’t know what that means.” Maybe he’d get away with that much and they could go back to talking about something else…

Squinting at him, Ryuuji said flatly, “You had training, you just washed out. You should at least remember that much.”

Damn it. “Uh, yeah, I guess. But it’s not like… it’s not really anything that I learned about. It’s just a big… thing, and it keeps to itself.” He’d learned how to talk about this stuff a while ago, but it didn’t make it any weirder; didn’t make the sick knots in his guts ease any when Ryuuji asked these questions, expression analytical. It wasn’t so hard, when dealing with the others, to lie and make shit up, but this was different. As little as he knew this guy, he wanted Ryuuji to think well of him, and that carried over to his other self- even if it shouldn’t. Even if that could only end badly in so many ways. Fidgeting with his nails, Rin sighed, shrugging. “I’ve … talked to it, a few times. It’s not… it doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Likes the solitude, because it’s safer away from people. It’s not one of those big people-eating assholes you see wreaking havoc on humans.”

Brown eyes turned a dark, thoughtful amber in the sunlight, Ryuuji propped his chin into one palm and hummed thoughtfully. “So, something like a forest guardian, then? They generally keep to themselves, can even be important allies sometimes.”

Blinking, Rin nodded hesitantly, eyeing the exorcist on his porch steps. “Yeah, kinda… I mean, it isn’t from around here, but I think it had to, um. To leave its home.” Rubbing the back of his neck, Rin muttered, “Kinda get where it’s coming from, y’know?” Shit, he was getting too relaxed, saying too much. The words couldn’t be taken back, though, and Ryuuji’s thoughtful stare only made him gulp and turn back to his vegetable patch.

“I suppose that’s something, then. Explains why the Order leaves it alone,” Ryuuji muttered noncommittally, all the while watching the odd little cues and shifts in body language Rin was showing him. The kid was nervous, uncomfortable, but he supposed that made sense; if he had gotten along so poorly with exorcists in the past, the boy would be understandably shy about admitting he consorted with demons in his spare time. It occurred to Ryuuji to be wary at the admission that Rin had enough demon blood to be able to speak to an entirely inhuman creature, but it wasn’t that much of a surprise, really. The tail alone spoke volumes, and the fangs and ears, and none of those things detracted from how painfully, awkwardly human the boy still was in a lot of ways. Nodding idly to himself, the brunette asked, “So it shows up on the full moons?”

“Sometimes. It’s more likely than any other time, at least.” The words were reluctant, almost worried, and Ryuuji smiled slightly.

“Hey, don’t worry, I’m not out here to kill it or anything. I’m just doing the check-up for Father Fujimoto since he can’t this time.”

Rin forced himself to smile a little, to mutter some response, all the while thinking, _Shiro never bothered with this because he knew the truth; how am I supposed to make up something that never happened?_

The conversation faded off after that and neither of them tried to force it back to life. Weeding done, Rin got to work on dinner, startling Ryuuji at the realization that the day was nearly gone. Supper was once again a spectacular meal- and the brunette no longer felt any alarm at the idea of rabbit meat after eating it with mashed potatoes and boiled vegetables- and this time they shared dish duty, as Rin was insistent that he do at least some of them.

It was nice. Weird, still domestic as hell, but nice.

With nothing to do after the meal, he let himself be prodded into reading on the sofa with Rin. The book selection was startlingly varied and he found himself immersed in a book of legends and lore on little-known forest sprites before the exhaustion of a poor night’s sleep dragged his eyes closed. When Ryuuji woke up, some hours later, the fire had burned low and he was stretched out along the length of the couch, blankets tossed over his hips and a pair of feet tucked under his ribs. Lifting his neck enough to look down his body, he snorted quietly. Somehow Rin had managed to tuck them both onto the sofa, heads at opposite ends, and the blue-eyed brat was snoring away, soft and snuffly.

Ryuuji knew he ought to get up and go lay down in the bedroom. Rin had vacated the mice and checked everything down, swearing he’d cleaned it all out and it was safe to sleep on; the blankets were dry and waiting for him, but he was comfortable. Surprisingly so, considering he was stretched out next to a slip of a boy on a thick, plush sofa that smelled of autumn fires and warm sweaters, said boy’s feet tucked under his chest and…. _was that…?_ Yep, that was a tail wrapped around Ryuuji’s leg, gently coiled but surprisingly strong when he tugged against it. It reminded him of a child clinging to a stuffed doll in their sleep for comfort, and without thinking about it too much, Ryuuji sighed and let his head fall back against the cushions again. He’d move in a minute or two, it was fine. Sleepy eyes turned towards the beams of the ceiling, body soaking up the languid warmth of another living being nearby. It should have been awkward, but it wasn’t. It felt safe, the casual fit of knees and calves under blankets, the curve of the cushions and throw pillows around his body, as if this spot had been waiting for him to fill it as perfectly as he did.

Lashes fluttering, Ryuuji yawned, fingers idly petting the velvet coil of muscle and skin wrapped around his thigh, and fell asleep assuring himself he’d get up in just another minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the sofa is massive, and yes, I've been planning that scene since I started this.


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